Nature is a piece of shit
by The Two Teddy Bear Doctors
Summary: "Let me get this straight. You, Gerard Way, my hermit brother, have a boyfriend who is a wilderness instructor." "Yeah, that just about sums it up."


"Let me get this straight. You, Gerard Way, my hermit brother, have a boyfriend who is a wilderness instructor."

"Yeah, that just about sums it up."

"And do you two go on hikes and shit together?"

"Well no, he doesn't mind though. I am thinking of going for one of the night hikes they have where they find owls."

"Who even are you anymore?" Mikey laughed, shaking his head. He stood up from the edge of the bed and started to make his way up the stairs. He stated simply, "You're in too deep. Don't get yourself killed by a twig or anything, okay?"

"Fuck you!" Gerard playfully called back in response, sipping his coffee as he finished up a sketch of a girl wearing a form fitting dress. There were zippers lining the side, concealing her many hidden pockets, a feat he knew many girls would kill for.

He was serious when he said he was considering going on the owl prowl. How bad could it be if it was at night? The sun wouldn't be out, blinding him, and Frank would be there to guide him through the forest. Plus, the possibility of seeing some owls was pretty cool.

And so, Gerard found himself driving through the night on Friday, travelling three miles out of town, before pulling into a small, dirt driveway. It was surrounded by trees, the foliage even going over the path so it seemed like a natural tunnel. Once he came to a wider opening with a building beside it, Gerard stopped the car and got out. The night was quiet, save for the quiet sounds of various animals and the occasional owl.

The door to the building opened a few seconds later, and a short figure appeared, running toward Gerard at an alarming speed. He stepped back, and braced himself for impact, and soon had an armful of Frank to look after.

"You came!" Frank almost yelled, nuzzling into Gerards chest, making his heart melt as he smiled softly down at the smaller man.

"I did. Just make sure I don't get eaten by wolves or anything, okay?" Gerard carefully pried Frank off of him, gingerly setting him on the ground, ruffling his hair as he did.

"There's only three packs of wolves out here, calm down," Frank rolled his eyes, and took Gerard's hand, pulling him towards the house. "Come on, Ray wants to meet you. And Bob, but he won't tell you that."

Frank winked back at him, and soon Gerard was in a bright room, where a guy with a large amount of hair was sitting behind a desk.

"Ray!" Frank yelled, and basically jumped over the desk, landing on the chair next to the hair guy. "Gerard's here!"

"I got that, Frank," Ray nodded, with a wide grin, before turning to Gerard and holding out his hand. "Hi, I'm Ray."

"Good to meet you." Gerard said, but before he had time to continue on, a taller man with blond hair was leaning around the door, staring Gerard down. After a moment, he went back, and Frank turned to Gerard, grinning.

"That was Bob. He likes you."

"How can you tell?" Frank turned to Ray, who started to explain.

"You're still standing there, are you not?" In that moment, Gerard decided that Bob was a man to be feared, and awed.

"So, wanna head out?" Frank asked, turning back to Gerard in a sudden movement he wasn't sure he was ever going to get used to, but he would put up with it, because it was Frank.

"What about the other people?" Gerard asked, hesitant to go out into the unknown woods.

"Ray's gonna be leading the walk. I thought you and I could get some time alone?" Frank blinked widely up at him, and Gerard flushed at Ray's knowing look at Frank.

He agreed quietly, and Frank pulled him out of the house, calling back to Bob that they were going to see the 'Nature Hut', which Gerard had no idea was a thing. Frank pulled him down a path, pulling a small flashlight out of his pocket, and began spinning the dial to charge it up. Gerard quickly pressed himself flush against Frank's side, fear of being lost overcoming his need to be independent, but Frank didn't seem to mind too much.

They slowly made their way through the forest, Gerard jumping at even the smallest noise. A squirrel ran across their path, and Gerard almost knocked Frank to the ground in his haste to get away.

"Calm down, it's just the wildlife." Frank had soothed, squeezing his hand. It didn't do much to calm his nerves, but Gerard forged on, following Frank down the dimly lit path.

After what seemed like hours, the path opened up into a clearing, where a large house could be seen, the moon reflecting off the solar panels on the wall, and the roof. Frank momentarily walked ahead, throwing his arms to the side in a 'ta-da' motion. "The Nature Hut!"

Gerard turned his gaze from Frank to the house, observing it carefully as they approached. Once they were closer, he could make out the vines winding their way up the house. Frank seemed all to smug about the whole thing, unlocking the door with a big more flourish than necessary, but Gerard didn't care.

Once they entered the house, Frank started explaining all of the different parts of what made it ecologically friendly, seeming so excited about the fact that this house seemed to help the environment ten times the amount it hindered. Gerard watched his face, moving closer as Frank backed up until finally he had Frank up against the wall.

"Gerard?" Frank asked, seeming to just notice that he wasn't listening to his lengthy explanation as to why the water was good for the forest.

Gerard leaned down, and kissed him deeply, holding his chin between two fingers. Frank pressed himself closer to Gerard, hands resting on his hips.

After a few minutes, they pulled apart, Frank whining quietly as they did.

"You weren't listening to a word I said, were you?" He complained, and Gerard hummed, grinning. Frank pinched his side, nuzzling into his chest.

"Did you drag me through the forest just so you could make out with me?" Gerard asked, and Frank nodded quickly, smiling widely.

"Of course I did, what kind of asshole boyfriend would I be if I didn't do stupid shit like that?" Frank said, and Gerard kissed him again, slow and careful.

"I hate you."

"I love you too."


End file.
